


Kaoru

by cestlavieminako



Series: First Kisses [10]
Category: Kamen Rider Kuuga
Genre: First Kisses, M/M, Post Series, hurt and comfort and angst and softs all rolled into one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cestlavieminako/pseuds/cestlavieminako
Summary: Godai hadn’t realized how alone he’d felt, until he suddenly didn’t have Ichijou within reach any longer.
Relationships: Godai Yuusuke/Ichijou Kaoru
Series: First Kisses [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1803661
Comments: 24
Kudos: 24





	Kaoru

**Author's Note:**

> Why yes, I DID decide to title this "Kaoru" since the final Kuuga episode was "Yusuke."
> 
> Small bits of episode 48 and 49 are mentioned in here, and the rest is all just post series.

_“I hate that it’s come to this. You should have been free to go on adventures…”_

_“I’m glad. Because I got to meet Ichijou-san.”_

_Godai’s eyes had been shiny with unshed tears, and Ichijou was certain his had to have looked the same, especially after Godai had leaned in and kissed him, his lips as soft and reassuring as always. “So please… watch my henshin,” he’d murmured, once they’d finally parted._

_Godai had changed into the black-armored warrior, and Ichijou had felt dread in the pit of his stomach. Godai had started to turn then, ever so slightly, as if he wanted one more glimpse of Ichijou, but then he’d been gone, quicker than the eye could follow. Ichijou had had no choice but to head up the mountain, fighting through wild foliage and the snow that swirled around him, obscuring his vision._

_Then he’d seen the clearing before him, the two still figures on the snowy ground, the impossible amount of blood splattered everywhere._

_“Godai…GODAI!!”_

*

Ichijou started awake, blinking in the harsh light, his mind thousands of miles away on that mountain, and it took him several moments to get his bearings. That’s right…he was on the train, heading back from his mother’s. 

They had been able to meet up this year, and Ichijou had visited his father’s grave early that morning with her, and they’d spent some time catching up. It had felt…odd, this year, compared to others. Ichijou hadn’t been able to come the year when the Unidentified Lifeforms had first sprung up, and the year after, he’d been occupied with the disbanding of the joint task force, busily packing everything regarding that year into boxes, filing reports away. Then he’d had to pack up what he’d brought when he’d temporarily relocated to Tokyo, and thank the kind landlady who had rented him the apartment he’d been using during that time.

Saying goodbye to the task force, and everyone else he’d been working with that past year, had felt…odd. There was a closeness between him and everyone he’d been involved with, and it was sad to think that he might not see them again for months, or even years.

And Godai…he had vanished, immediately heading off on an adventure where he could stay away from people while he made sure that he was still himself. Ichijou had had a bit of a scare when he’d gone to check Godai’s still form that day, and for a moment, when Godai had struggled to his feet, he’d feared that he would have to draw his gun and shoot at the Amadam, and perhaps kill the man that he loved. Godai’s eyes had been inky black, his face slack…and then, he’d blinked, and his eyes were normal again, the same eyes Ichijou had stared into countless times.

Godai had seemed to know that he wasn’t quite all right, even if he was in control then, and the look he’d given Ichijou had been one of forgiveness. Ichijou hadn’t had a moment to even speak, before Godai had pressed their lips together desperately, and then…he was gone.

No one had heard from him. When Ichijou had left Tokyo, he’d given the address to his Nagano apartment to Minori and Sakurako, asking them to pass it along to Godai if… _when_ he returned. He wanted Godai to know he was still welcome. Every so often, Ichijou would contact one of them, on the off chance that they’d heard anything, but things remained frustratingly quiet.

Minori _had_ told him that she suspected Godai wouldn’t be back for a while, and Ichijou understood why. But it didn’t make things hurt less.

Going back to regular police work in Nagano had felt so strange. He felt oddly disconnected from everyone after being away for so long, but he’d been welcomed back warmly, and regarded as something of a hero. 

He was no hero. If anyone deserved that title, it was Godai. He’d sacrificed so much, choosing on his own to take up the mantle of Kuuga, and now…

Ichijou shook his head, clearing the cobwebs from his mind as he rose from his seat as the train came to a stop, and he made haste to get away from the crowds and outside. He suddenly needed air. He’d been feeling a bit off for most of the day, and he’d had to head back home earlier than planned because of it, at his mother’s insistence. He couldn’t fool a nurse by telling her that he was fine. He’d never been able to hide any sickness from her, even when he was a child. Back then, she would steer him back to his bed to rest, if he tried to go to school when he was ill. But now, being alone, he had no one to keep him from working himself to the point of burnout, as he tried to occupy his time and thoughts so he wouldn’t be constantly thinking about Godai.

Perhaps he was heartsick. Ichijou had never believed that to be a valid illness, but now, he couldn’t help but wonder. Some days were worse than others. When Godai’s birthday had come around this year, the entire day had felt oppressive. He’d wondered where Godai was, if he was celebrating, if he was so far away from people that he even knew what the date was. 

Ichijou sighed softly as he let himself into his apartment, taking off his shoes and hanging his jacket up, before heading over to the couch and sinking down onto it. He should eat dinner and then go to bed; hopefully whatever was wrong with him would be cleared up by morning so he could go to work. 

Instead, he went into his room, rummaging through his closet until he found what he’d been seeking: a sweater he’d been planning to give Godai for his birthday. He’d wound up bringing it back with him when he’d returned to Nagano, hoping he could give it to Godai when he came back. Perhaps for Christmas, instead. But the holiday had come and gone, just as another of Godai’s birthdays had passed, and the sweater still hung in Ichijou’s closet, waiting.

He felt cold. And, well, Godai had made off with that one sweater he’d brought along to Tokyo, the green one Ichijou had never worn before then. His wardrobe consisted of suits for work and not much else.

After a moment’s hesitation, he pulled the sweater on. He didn’t even know if Godai would have liked it…the more he looked at it, Ichijou wondered what he’d been thinking when he’d bought it. It was a burnt orange color, and perhaps it was a bit tacky, but it was made of thick, soft material. He’d bought it specifically so Godai would stay warm as he was zipping back and forth on his motorcycle. 

It _was_ warm, Ichijou thought, going back into the living room, and sitting on the couch once again. He turned the TV on, the volume barely audible as he left it on a news channel.

Then, his eyes drifted shut, and he slept.

*

Ichijou rarely dreamed. Twice in one day was unheard of.

_A pristine beach stretched as far as the eye could see, and the sky was perfectly blue, with a few fluffy clouds here and there._

_And there was Godai, laying on his back in the sand, his head resting on his backpack, eyes turned upward, hands clasped against his chest._

_There were sudden raised voices, and Godai’s attention was drawn to a group of children arguing further down the beach. After a moment, he jumped to his feet, grabbing his pack, and raced down toward them._

_The children barely had time to register this stranger’s presence before he withdrew several balls from his pack, and began juggling. The more time passed, the more he and the children were smiling, until he tossed each ball to a child, a wide smile on his lips as he gave them a thumbs-up, then bid them farewell and went on his way._

_Godai looked at peace as he continued to walk down the beach, his eyes drawn up to that perfect blue sky as he strolled along._

*

In his sleep, Ichijou’s lips turned up into a small smile.

The sun felt wonderful. He was so warm.

Ichijou woke up just long enough to stumble over and open a window just a bit. It would help him cool down, he thought, before he plopped back down on the couch and was drawn back into slumber.

*

Godai had thought nothing of climbing the building to reach Ichijou’s apartment. It was only on the third floor, and he knew Ichijou-san was home, since his cruiser was parked outside. And, Godai noticed happily, one of his windows was open. 

Almost like Ichijou-san was expecting him.

Well, Godai thought to himself as he began to climb, he _had_ wanted to come back for Ichijou-san’s birthday, if he felt that he was up to it. He’d begun to wonder if he’d ever feel safe, being around people again. He’d stayed isolated as much as possible, only going into towns for supplies, and to see how he would handle being around anyone else. It was slow going, but he felt that he could trust himself again. He felt that he could genuinely smile and say that he was all right again. 

And he’d given his first thumbs-up in almost a year and a half just days ago, when he’d met that group of children on the beach.

He honestly thought he’d be fine. 

And, more than anything, he’d wanted to see Ichijou. When he’d realized what the date was, he’d hurried to return to Japan, pausing only to call Minori and say he was back. And, thankfully, she’d had Ichijou’s address in Nagano, reading it off to him and all but insisting that Godai go see him first.

It was late, nearly midnight, but Godai wanted to surprise him. 

It wasn’t surprising when Godai opened the window and shimmied inside, and found the apartment dark. It _was_ late; Ichijou-san had surely gone to bed for the night. Well…Godai wondered if he wouldn’t mind being woken up? Or maybe he’d let Ichijou sleep, and fix him a nice breakfast instead. Surely he needed his rest.

Where was the light switch, Godai wondered, glancing around the room. His eyesight was sharper now, ever since that day, and he could see in the dark much better than he had before. He located the light switch and flipped it on, revealing that he was in the small dining area.

Ichijou-san’s apartment wasn’t all that different from the one he’d been renting in Tokyo, Godai thought to himself. It was very basic, nothing very personal strewn around. The kitchen looked empty, and the dining table had paperwork on it. 

And, on the couch, sat Ichijou-san, sound asleep.

Goai couldn’t help but smile, going over to crouch in front of him. Oddly enough, Ichijou was wearing a sweater, one Godai hadn’t recalled seeing before, along with a pair of slacks. The TV droned quietly in the background; had Ichijou-san fallen asleep watching it? 

Godai reached out to brush Ichijou’s hair away from his eyes, and he frowned when his fingers brushed Ichijou’s forehead. He laid the back of his hand to the skin, and his eyes widened slightly. Godai knew that his body temperature ran a bit hot now, but he doubted he was imagining things.

Was Ichijou-san sick? Was that why he was asleep out here, instead of tucked into bed?

“Ichijou-san?” Godai murmured, giving his shoulder a gentle shake. Ichijou wasn’t roused, and Godai couldn’t help but worry. He’d felt quite warm…it had to be a fairly high fever. And he noticed small tremors running through Ichijou’s body. Was he shivering? Chills and a fever…that wasn’t good. 

First things first: he needed to be in bed, Godai thought. He switched off the TV, then scooped Ichijou into his arms as if he weighed nothing, heading further into the apartment. He had to check each door—a bathroom, an extra room with a desk that appeared to be a work area, and then he found the bedroom. He drew the covers back, then laid Ichijou on the mattress, taking a moment to strip him out of the sweater and his slacks. Hopefully less clothing would help his fever drop.

Godai brought the covers back up, tucking Ichijou in, letting his hand linger on his shoulder, before he went into the kitchen, rummaging around until he found a decent-sized bowl, filling it with cold water and retrieving a washcloth from the bathroom. 

He perched on the mattress beside Ichijou, placing the bowl on the nightstand, dipping the cloth into the water and wringing it out thoroughly, before placing it on Ichijou’s forehead. He couldn’t help but cup Ichijou’s cheek, and he sighed softly. It had been so long…he’d missed Ichijou so much, hating how he’d left without a word, but over everything else, he’d wanted to keep Ichijou safe. So that meant Godai had had to leave abruptly; he’d not felt like himself after that battle with Daguva, and he never would have forgiven himself if he’d harmed Ichijou.

His thumb brushed absently across Ichijou’s cheek, and he felt like weeping in relief. Part of him had worried that perhaps Ichijou wouldn’t want to see him, or he would have found that Ichijou had moved on and found someone else. He didn’t see any sign of another presence in the apartment—there was barely enough of a presence for Ichijou, and he _lived_ there—so that eased some of the anxiety.

Ichijou’s eyes fluttered open then, and it seemed to take him a moment to focus on Godai.

“Ichijou-san,” Godai breathed, his voice soft. “Just rest, ok?”

“Godai?” Ichijou murmured, looking confused. He felt confused; hadn’t he fallen asleep on the couch? And…he hadn’t been undressed then. And Godai certainly hadn’t been there.

Ah…this was a dream, wasn’t it? But even so, he couldn’t help but let his eyes drift closed once again, nuzzling Godai’s hand. He’d been starved for contact after all this time, and he wasn’t naturally a person who traded hugs or handshakes or anything else, if he could help it.

But Godai’s touch, simple as it was, felt like heaven.

It always had.

He leaned his head further into the touch, moving slightly so he could brush his lips against Godai’s skin, and Godai felt his lips move after a moment, breath warm against his skin as he whispered, “I know it’s a dream…but this is nice…”

Then Ichijou seemed to drift back to sleep.

Of course…he _would_ figure this was all just a dream, wouldn’t he? Godai didn’t blame him for that, after so long. And he was sick, to boot; it made sense that he wouldn’t trust what he was seeing.

For now, Ichijou needed rest. And, truthfully, so did Godai; he’d had a long journey, to be able to make it back on time, and he hadn’t been able to sleep on the plane. 

Godai rewetted the washcloth and place it on Ichijou’s forehead, after he’d pressed a kiss to the feverish skin. He slipped out of the room so he could take the world’s fastest shower, not wanting to leave Ichijou unattended for very long, but Godai refused to get into Ichijou’s bed unless he’d washed off all of the weariness from his journey. He’d have to borrow Ichijou’s washing machine the next day, Godai thought as he rummage through his pack, finally giving up and simply tugging on a pair of clean boxers to sleep in. He’d be warm enough. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been cold, truthfully.

No, that wasn’t exactly true…he’d been plenty cold, shivering from cold and fright that he simply could not shake, when he’d been on that mountain. 

He didn’t want to think about that. He’d thought about it plenty since that day.

Godai climbed into bed beside Ichijou, unable to keep a soft sigh from leaving his lips. He’d missed this. He’d missed _Ichijou_.

He couldn’t help but curl up to Ichijou, draping an arm across his waist, and he fell asleep immediately.

*

Ichijou woke at some point during the night. Close to dawn, he thought to himself, seeing hints of light beginning to creep past the blinds.

He still felt so hot, like he was being smothered. The blankets? He managed to weakly push them down a bit, but that didn’t seem to help.

A soft sound near his right ear had him turning his head, and he saw Godai asleep beside him, just as he had been so many other nights when they’d been in Tokyo. After such a long time alone, it was a welcome sight to Ichijou, even if it was just a dream. It _had_ to be a dream, something his feverish brain concocted. 

Even if it wasn’t real…it _felt_ real. The sound of Godai’s soft breaths sounded real. The heat coming off his body as he laid so close to Ichijou felt so real. If Ichijou hadn’t been so weary, he could have pressed his lips to those of this phantom, to see if _that_ felt real.

“Godai…” he murmured. “Please come back…I miss you…”

He managed to lay his hand atop Godai’s before he drifted back to sleep.

Ichijou’s words, soft as they had been, had woken Godai, but he hadn’t had a chance to speak before the other man had gone back to sleep. He still felt warm, and he clearly still thought Godai was a dream or a hallucination.

But Ichijou clearly missed Godai, that much was obvious. It hurt, knowing that Godai seemed to have abandoned Ichijou for so long, not even trying to call him. Surely he still had his cell phone. But…Godai had been afraid to call. He’d been afraid that Ichijou would have given up and moved on. But he’d also been afraid that the moment he heard Ichijou’s voice, he would have wanted to return to Japan, possibly before he was ready, before it was safe. Godai couldn’t deny that he’d missed Ichijou; he’d dreamed of him frequently, and not all of the dreams were entirely innocent. He’d missed the intimacy he’d found with Ichijou, and he craved having that normalcy again. He’d enjoyed the time they’d spent together, slowly deepening their relationship, but also the time they’d simply shared a meal together, talking about anything and everything. 

Godai hadn’t realized how alone he’d felt, until he suddenly didn’t have Ichijou within reach any longer. He’d never thought of himself as ever feeling lonely, not really; he had Minori, and Sakurako-san, Pops and Nana, so many people he’d met and befriended over the years. He’d never want for company.

But Ichijou wasn’t just a friend, or company. Ichijou felt like _home_.

Godai blinked against his suddenly blurry vision, surprised to find tears rolling down his cheeks. He hadn’t cried in so long, not since that day.

He shifted his hand, twining his fingers with Ichijou’s, and moved a bit closer to him.

He was home.

*

Something smelled wonderful.

Ichijou struggled to open his eyes, wondering how he felt even worse now than he did before. He still felt hot, and weak as a kitten to boot. 

And he was still hallucinating Godai.

That couldn’t be good. If he’d had the energy—or could remember where his phone was—he’d call Tsubaki and ask him if he was losing his mind.

“Oh good, you’re awake!” Godai said, setting down the tray he’d been carrying, and his hand moved to Ichijou’s cheek. “You still feel hot…maybe not quite as bad as before? Good…I’ll keep the washcloth on your head. Are you hungry?”

Ichijou managed a soft sound. Speaking seemed like it would take more energy than he had, and right now, all he could think about was how nice Godai’s hand felt on his cheek.

“I made you some rice porridge. Here…let me help you sit up,” Godai murmured. He took the washcloth off Ichijou’s forehead, helping him get into a sitting position, propping his pillows behind him. “There we go.”

It felt as though the room were spinning, and Ichijou wasn’t sure why. Was it from the sudden movement? Was it because Godai was so close? Ichijou closed his eyes and breathed in; absurdly enough, Godai smelled like his soap. And his laundry detergent. Of course he would…it had been so long, sometimes Ichijou couldn’t remember Godai’s exact scent. And after they’d spent so much time together, and Godai usually _did_ wind up using Ichijou’s soap, he’d wound up smelling like this phantom did, anyway.

Maybe he wasn’t going _that_ crazy.

“Ichijou-san? You didn’t fall asleep again, did you?”

Ichijou opened his eyes, and Godai seemed to be smiling in relief.

Then a spoonful of rice porridge appeared, and Ichijou dutifully opened his mouth so Godai could feed him. Ichijou had never realized that he could have such vivid dream, he thought, savoring each mouthful. Godai’s cooking had always been incredible, and he’d even made something like rice porridge taste absolutely divine.

Of course, Ichijou hadn’t eaten since he’d had lunch with his mother the day before. Had it only been a day? He hoped he hadn’t been asleep for days and was dreaming this because he was wasting away with hunger.

But he was so hungry, he finished the entire bowl. Godai had a small glass of ice water with a straw, which Ichijou gratefully sipped. The cold water felt heavenly going down his parched throat, especially since he still felt so hot.

Godai set everything back on the tray, shifting Ichijou so he could lay the pillows flat once again, then helped Ichijou lie down comfortably, and he moved to wet the washcloth for Ichijou’s forehead.

“Don’t leave.”

Godai’s hands still in the cold water, and he smiled at Ichijou. “I won’t, don’t worry. I’ll stay here till you’re feeling better.”

“Thought you forgot about me…” Ichijou murmured, his eyes closing. “You didn’t call…I felt alone.”

Godai fingers tightened around the washcloth as he wrung it out, squeezing it harder than he needed to. God…he hadn’t meant to hurt Ichijou. Ichijou knew that he would most likely need time away to make sure he was all right, and yet Godai felt as though his silence had done more harm than good. 

He placed the washcloth on Ichijou’s forehead, his fingers running absently through the other man’s hair. “I’m sorry…I truly am,” he whispered. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

The room fell silent, and Godai figured Ichijou had fallen asleep again, and he began to rise from the mattress so he could bring everything to the kitchen and clean up.

“When you come back…I’m going to ask you to marry me.”

Godai froze, his eyes going wide, and he stared at Ichijou in disbelief. Now he was definitely asleep, he realized, hearing the soft sounds of his breathing in the otherwise silent room.

Godai took the tray back to the kitchen, taking his time in setting everything back to order, absently wiping down the counter while his mind was a million miles away.

He didn’t have anything else to do while he was watching over Ichijou. He had what he needed in his pack. It wouldn’t be perfect, but…

A smile crossed his lips, and he switched off the light.

*

When Ichijou next opened his eyes, it took him several moments to remember what was going on. He’d been sick…that was right, he remembered feeling so hot for such a long time. Now, though, he felt closer to normal. He was exhausted, absurdly enough, after spending so much time in bed. He was hungry, he needed a bath, and his bladder was demanding that he get up and visit the restroom.

And he’d dreamed about Godai. Or rather, had hallucinated rather vividly.

Ichijou closed his eyes again, recalling the feeling of the phantom Godai’s hand on his cheek. It had felt so real, so wonderfully comforting.

But it hadn’t been real, had it? Because Godai was gone.

Ichijou clenched his jaw, not wanting to break down in tears when he was already so exhausted. He shifted, preparing to draw the covers back and get up, when he caught sight of something.

There was a ring on his finger that had definitely not been there before. 

Ichijou brought his hand closer to his face so he could see it better. It was a thick silver band, and the Kuuga emblem was on it. He ran a finger over the metal; it felt real. Was he dreaming? He thought he was feeling better, but was this still a fever dream?

“Oh…”

Ichijou shot upright and regretted it immediately, the room lurching nauseatingly around him. 

“H-hey, take it easy! It’s been three days, you’ve got to move slowly.”

Ichijou squeezed his eyes shut, but he still felt the grip on his shoulders, firm yet gentle, as he was guided to lay back on the mattress. When he opened his eyes again, Godai was still there, smiling down at him in that heart-achingly familiar manner.

“It seems like your fever’s finally broken. Thank goodness…you had me really worried, you know,” Godai said, relief plain in his eyes, as he took Ichijou’s hand in his.

Ichijou noticed a band of the same size as the one that had mysteriously appeared on his finger on Godai’s own, and he frowned. “What’s this?”

Godai averted his eyes, and suddenly his cheeks looked a bit rosier than usual. “Well…you said that you were going to ask me to marry you when I came back. I had time while you were sleeping, and I know how to make simple jewelry, so…” He trailed off, and his face flushed even darker. “I-I mean…if that was really something that you wanted…you were really out of it the whole time, you were so sick…”

“Godai Yusuke.”

Godai trailed off as Ichijou’s hands moved up to cradle his face so gently, before drawing him in to kiss him. It seemed hesitant at first, as if he still didn’t quite believe that Godai was there, but then there was a sense of relief, and the kiss deepened slightly.

When they finally parted, Ichijou met Godai’s gaze. “Is that something you would want? To marry me? I wouldn’t take you from your travels, but…I didn’t realize how much I needed you in my life until you _weren’t_.”

“Kaoru-san.”

Ichijou sucked in a surprised breath, hearing his name spoken so tenderly after such a long time.

“Yes. I want that. I’m sorry…I missed you so much, but…”

Ichijou’s lips met his again, and Godai knew that his apology—what he’d managed to say, at least—was accepted. 

“Why don’t I get the shower going for us?” Godai offered, once they’d parted. “I feel like anything else right now might be too much. You’re still weak from that fever.”

“That sounds amazing,” Ichijou murmured, leaning his head on Godai’s shoulder. 

It was a tight fit for both of them in Ichijou’s shower, but Godai wanted to take care of him. He had to still be weakened and exhausted after his bout with…well, whatever it had been, that had knocked him for a loop like it had. Godai took his time, running his hands soothingly across Ichijou’s skin, fingers running through Ichijou’s hair, before rinsing all of the soap and shampoo away.

Ichijou might have been weary, but his genuine happiness regarding Godai couldn’t be restrained, and they found themselves touching one another and kissing a bit more than they should have been at the time. 

“Please, Godai,” Ichijou whispered.

Godai could never refuse him. Especially not now, not after so long away from him.

Perhaps he was still a bit wary of himself, but Godai also wanted to be careful for Ichijou’s sake, and perhaps he treated him like glass, but there were no complaints. Just soft gasps, whimpers of pleasure, hands moving across his skin, and the feeling of Ichijou’s body welcoming him after they’d been apart for so long.

They couldn’t bear to move out of each other’s arms, and they dozed in a tangle of limbs, lips meeting in lazy kisses, until Ichijou finally whispered, “Welcome home, Yusuke.”

Godai smiled against his skin, feeling tears prickling at the corners of his eyes again. 

Yes. This was home. And he was finally back.

**Author's Note:**

> And this is the end of the First Kisses series, I hope everyone enjoyed reading these as much as I enjoyed writing them! <3


End file.
